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The Smith clan go out to the opening night of Jalen's, Kitt kittredge, in Los Angeles last night.

I'm in love with a married man!

Love can happen at anytime, anyplace with anyone...right? You decide.

Ask Lynn: Advice on love
By Lynn Harris

Help me, Lynn!
I have been dating a married man. He is the person that I have been looking for my whole life. I can talk to him about anything and in return he tells me everything. I hear about all his problems at home. He is a truck driver, so he’s on the road and I get to see him every couple weeks. One evening, when I had way too much to drink, I decided to tell him about my very strong feelings for him. He wanted to know why. I have a very hard time expressing feelings and couldn’t spit it out. He told me that what I was describing sounded like friendship, but I feel so much more. He thinks that since I didn’t have a “good” reason that it must be infatuation and I will eventually “get over it.” It breaks my heart that he doesn’t understand how I feel. I’ve never felt anything like this for anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had boyfriends and thought that I was in love, but it was nothing like this. I think of this man as my best friend, my confidant. He makes me feel sexy and pretty. I enjoy spending time with him. Relations in the bedroom are some of the best that I have ever had, but even if that wasn’t part of our relationship, I would feel the same way about him. My problem is, how do I express how I feel? Last night he told me that he loves me and I swear that I saw stars.
– Helpless in Love

Dear Helpless,
This is not the answer you want to hear, but I’m afraid you’re asking the wrong question. It’s not “How do I express how I feel?” It’s “How do I get in the express lane out of this dead end?” I hate to be harsh, but I’m afraid I need to shine some high beams on reality here. This man is not the person you “have been looking for.” He is married. He is a person who cheats on his wife. He never sees her, and he still makes time for you. (I know you are flattered, but put yourself in her shoes.) He plays dumb about not getting how you feel — you’ll “get over it?” What was that about? — and then plays head games with you by using the word “love.” No, no, no. This is not how “best friends” treat each other. A “confidant” doesn’t dismiss your feelings. I’m sure he makes you feel great, you know, when he’s not jerking you around, but missy, he is leading you right on down the interstate.

What, really, is your goal here? What do you think will happen if he “understood” how you feel? (Which I guarantee you he already does—and is taking utmost advantage of it.) Do you want to keep things the way they are, only with more stars? Really? With a once-every-two-weeks “boyfriend” whom you can never introduce to your friends, enjoy without secrecy—or, say, marry? Or wait, do you think he will leave his wife for you? Look, even the cheaters who say they’re going to leave their wives don’t do it. Do not hold your breath. You may see a few stars now and then, but listen: That’s also what you see when you’re passing out. Please don’t lose consciousness here—of what’s really going on, and of how much better you deserve.

Don’t misunderstand me: I want you to feel sexy and pretty and loved. I get that your feelings are sincere. I know you can’t just turn them off. I don’t want you to be lonely. But I promise you, you will be lonelier in this relationship than you will anywhere else. Please, please: Start using the 13 days you have without him to fill up your life with something other than waiting for him. Friends, hobbies, a makeover: the usual corny stuff that really does serve to remind you that you have a life outside the motel room, that you have a life worth sharing with someone who can offer you the same. And then walk away. Yes, walk away.

It won’t be easy. Use the buddy system: Confide in a friend who will stand by you as you start to walk away and remind you that you are doing the right thing and that you deserve better than half a boyfriend who’s only half a husband to someone else. (I know your past boyfriends may not have measured up, but that doesn’t mean much in the scheme of things. It means they just weren’t right for you—not that this one is.) And start thinking about why you would find this arrangement acceptable, even thrilling. Is it the danger? The falsely-flattering sense that he loves you so much he’ll see you over his wife? The way you can protect yourself from really committing by knowing, deep down, that he never will? That’s your other homework. Once you tackle the tough task of believing that you are worth it, you’ll drive off into the sunset with someone truly wonderful.

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Lynn Harris is co-creator, with Chris Kalb, of the award-winning website BreakupGirl.net—you can visit BG’s blog to discuss this letter! She is also the author of the new comic novel Death By Chick Lit. A journalist and essayist, Lynn also writes about gender, dating, and culture high and low for Salon, Glamour, The New York Times, and others. In her spare time, she enjoys being married. Submit your own dating questions for Lynn at BreakupGirl.net. Your question may be answered in a future column.

dating advice

	Dating & Personals
Top of Form Bottom of Form	Finesse Mitchell’s love advice By Chelsea Kaplan Finesse Mitchell knows a thing or two about women—and men. The comedian (you probably recognize him from Saturday Night Live) is also an author (of Your Girlfriends Only Know So Much) and advice-giver, most notably in Essence magazine. Though he is presently engaged, he formerly had a reputation for embracing, as he puts it, “the opposite of commitment.” Once he settled down, however, he found his single female friends constantly asking what convinced him to commit to a woman. Problem was, “they would consult their girlfriends first, which caused them to screw up a situation with a man that could have been easily fixed or avoided had they sought my advice first,” he says. To help you benefit from his wisdom, Finesse here shares the 10 things he knows for sure (things that your girlfriends can’t tell you) about looking for love. 1) If you want to know whether to buy that pair of skinny jeans, by all means ask your girlfriends. But when it comes to guy advice, ask a guy! If you go to your girlfriends for love advice, it’s all gonna be based on her messed-up experiences. Guys, on the other hand, love telling girls the truth about male behavior—as long as it doesn’t affect him. If you tell a guy about a sketchy situation with your man and he hears one or two things out of whack, he’ll recognize it for what it is because chances are, he has done something like that before. 2) Are men dogs? Maybe, but women can be just as bad. When it comes to finding a good man, a lot of women are really discouraged; they think all men are dogs. In my experience, I’ve seen that women can be just as bad as men. You gotta remember, whenever a guy cheats on a woman, he’s usually doing it with a woman who knows his relationship situation. 3) Cool it now…you got to slow it down! The number-one mistake women make when they’re dating is being too anxious. Women have too many rules: he has to call within a certain time frame, he has to ask you out within a certain time frame; once they find someone they like, they want everything to be perfect right then and there. You gotta relax and just go with the flow. If you just slow down, the relationship has a much better chance of actually working out to your advantage. A man will never like someone unless he’s ready to do it, and he will run if you go from cute to crazy really fast. 4) When a man loves a woman, he’ll do whatever she wants. Really. If more women knew this — that a man who loves her knows it’s about whatever she wants to do — they probably wouldn’t obsess so much about how their man felt about them. Want to know how he’s really feeling about you? Check out what he’s done for you lately. If your man is in a club holding your lip gloss, he is in love. Ain’t no man who likes holding your lip gloss or purse, but if he loves you, he doesn’t mind. That much. 5) If you want to keep a good man, match his affections—and don’t take them for granted. If a woman wants to keep a man, all she has to do is match his affection for her. Sometimes she gets too comfortable with the fact that he’s being good to her and stops returning the kindness. She’ll get to a place where she thinks sex or things like that should become a treat for him. If that sounds familiar, ask yourself, “When is the last time you did something sweet for him, just because?” Men don’t like to always give, and when they do without getting the same back, they feel stuck. Women say, “I got you and I don’t want any other man”, but men say, “I gave up all these other women for you—show me why!” What the men are saying is, “I am willing to do all of this stuff, so there are things I need you to do.” If you want to keep him around, you gotta pony up too—not just with sex, but with all sorts of good, kind things. 6) When it comes to sex, men are dogs…but not in the way you think. The beginning of a relationship when you’re always getting it on is great. For a lot of women, however, when they’ve progressed into a relationship they don’t want to do it as often anymore. Of course, this disappoints him, and women get annoyed. What these women need to realize, is that this change in course, for her man, is like telling a puppy he can’t eat. If you used to feed that puppy twice a day, but you reduce those feedings to once a month, your puppy is always gonna follow you around and cry because he wants that food he used to get all the time. This is why he acts that way when you aren’t giving it to him the way you used to, ladies. It’s not because he’s a pain, it’s because things have changed and his needs and expectations aren’t being met. 7) Men cheat for one reason and one reason only. When it comes to cheating, the bottom line is that no man cheats on his woman to go to the library and read books. They cheat to have sex. Period. Not because she is a good listener or understands him in a certain way or something like that, but for sex. If you don’t want your man to cheat, keep him sexually satisfied. It’s that simple. Sure, there are some jerks who have it good and cheat anyway… but they’re just jerks and you shouldn’t want to be with those guys anyway. And you know the types I’m talking about. 8) Playing hard to get isn’t a good way to keep a good man. Women always tell each other that they need to play hard to get to keep a man. That’s not true. The key to keeping him is matching his efforts. If he calls you, call him back, and expect the same. If he doesn’t call, stop calling, and really pull back until he starts matching your efforts. When he does, there is no reason to play hard to get. It’s dumb. All you’re gonna do is make him think you changed and that you stopped doing what worked for him, which will make him lose interest, understandably. Men don’t like women who are playing around. If he’s as great as you are, he’s got options too, and he’ll start seeking them out. 9) Reconsider having sex on the first date. My general rule when advising women on first-date sex is to tell women to avoid it—especially if you really like him. See, if you do it, you’ll then be left wondering, “OK, so now where’s the relationship?” Don’t mistake sex for a relationship—the real thing takes time. A great sexual relationship doesn’t take hard work, but the real thing does. If you do decide to do it anyway because you just want to have sex, if he never calls you again after the fact, you have to be OK with that. 10) Want to know what good men are looking for? Men want someone we can wake up and see each morning for the rest of our lives who makes us smile. It’s not about being hot, though. When that beautiful face is frowning or her brow is furrowed, that’s not the beautiful face we were looking for. I’m speaking metaphorically here. Men need peace. A woman who nags and never lets her man have things his way does nothing but make him want to take off. It doesn’t mean we want you to shut up—it’s just that we want you to let some things go and let us just have some peace. Here’s a perfect example: Don’t make him start cleaning up because you are. If you were watching Oprah and he interrupted you to want to have sex, you’d want to bite his head off. It’s the same thing when you ask him to do something like clean up in the middle of his watching the game! Chelsea Kaplan’s blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com.

Daydreaming and I'm thinking of...?

The time now is 4:06pm and I’m staring at my computer screen and daydreaming about better days! Usually when I’m at work and I have nothing to do I take out my trusty pen and pad and I start writing down ideas and/or scenarios for books to be written in the future. Sometimes I also look up random words in the dictionary. No not dictionary.com or m-w.com, I mean a real dictionary! (yes, I get just that bored) But today is different. Today I have no desire to do ANYTHING! I don’t want to surf the web, I don’t wanna facebook (but it’s so freaking addicitive lol) I don’t want to write, I just DON’T!

I don’t like complaining about my job because as we all know, the economy is weak and at anytime, I could be jobless and yearning for the never ending hours of nothingness! I mean I am getting a check every week, right?! So I am thankful for my job but damn, can I get some excitement?? Is that too much to ask?

Well I got to thinking about my friends. What do other people do when at work and have nothing to do? Also, if you could have your dream job what would that be?

I have too many interests to narrow it down to just one but I tried! If I could have my dream job I think I would be CEO of my own urban marketing firm. Advertising, promotions, music, art, magazines etc. All the things I love the most under one roof!

So what would you do? What’s your dream job? And in the mean time….while your clocking in to your 9-5, what do you do to stay sane?

Crazy much?

Bored with your life? Bid on this guy's
Heartbroken man puts house, car, job and even friends on the cyber block
By Rohan Sullivan
The Associated Press
updated 2:53 p.m. ET, Tues., March. 18, 2008

SYDNEY, Australia - A painful breakup with his wife has prompted a man to put his entire life — his house, his car, his job, even his friends — up for sale online in an effort to start over.
Ian Usher, a British immigrant to Australia, said Tuesday he would auction everything he owns and more on e-Bay starting June 22.
"On the day it's all sold and settled, I intend to walk out of my front door with my wallet in one pocket and my passport in the other, nothing else at all," Usher says on his Web site.
Up for bid is Usher's three bedroom house in the western city of Perth and everything inside it, his car, motorcycle, jet ski and parachuting gear.
Usher says he is also selling a one-time introduction to his friends and a trial run at his job — a plan endorsed by his friends and his employer.
In media interviews, Usher said he wants a fresh start after realizing that most things in his current life remind him of the relationship he had with the wife of five years whom he broke up with more than a year ago.
"Everything that I have — the furniture in the house — all has memories attached to it," Usher, 44, told Seven Network television. "It's time to shed the old, and in with the new."
Usher said his life will be sold in one lot, and that bidders should expect to pay more than $390,000, which is the upper end of a realtor's valuation of his house that he posted online.
Joy Jones, who co-owns the rug store in Perth where Usher worked as a shop assistant, said she liked the auction idea and wanted to help out. Joy Jones Rugs is offering the successful bidder a two-week trial, which could be extended for three months and then become permanent if it works out.
"When Ian came with this idea — because we had seen him go through a breakup of marriage and pain and bits and pieces — I thought it was really exciting," Jones told the Australian Broadcasting Corp. "We thought, why not give it a go?"
Usher said his friends in Perth also proved willing to be introduced to the highest bidder — allowing him to advertise his auction as offering a complete lifestyle.
Usher, who was born in Darlington, England, plans to open the auction at noon Perth time on June 22 and accept the last bid exactly one week later.
He said he hopes to set off traveling, including a visit to his mother in England, as soon as the auction is over.
"My current thoughts are to then head to the airport, and ask at the flight desk where the next flight with an available seat goes to, and to get on that and see where life takes me from there," he wrote online.
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

MSN Privacy . Legal© 2008 MSNBC.com

Day 26

New music and new video from Making the Band 4-"Day 26". I like this song but the band name is killin me right now! Day 26? Slap yourselves! Anyway likes the song and I fully intend to buy their album when it drops later in March! Bad Boy is in the building! Oh yeah check out the uncanny resemblence to New Edition righ here.

Neva, Neva Land

New music and new video from one of my favorites: Lyfe Jennings
This joint is called Neva, Neva Land. I love it! everthing except the part where he says "30 is not the new 20, it's the same old thing! don't be mad at me Jay[Z]!" Ya'll know Jay-Z is my future baby daddy and what he says is LAW! and don't u forget that Lyfe!

get rich by relaxing

7 ways to get rich by relaxing

Don't wait until you've made your fortune to kick back. Some proven methods can help put your mind at ease and your finances in better shape.

By Richard Conniff, MSN Money

The whole idea of investing is to get to the point where your money does the work and you can afford to relax. But you may get there faster by learning to relax now.

Excitement, anxiety and expenses can trap you in cycles of greed and fear. Instead, try breaking out by using a few financial and physiological tricks. It can make the whole process more relaxed -- and more profitable.

1. Commit now to doing something later. Stake out the companies that interest you, and set a price you consider a bargain. That way, you'll be ready to pounce at the next market downturn.

When the downturn comes, you may be too scared to pounce, like everybody else. But if you're confident now that a company is stable and has good long-term prospects, consider putting in a standing order to buy it at a set price (it's called a limit order). That way your brokerage will automatically buy the stock when it hits your price, without your having to work up the nerve.

2. Save more tomorrow? Pre-committing is also a good remedy for the tendency to procrastinate. Employees at one midsize manufacturing firm knew they needed to save for retirement -- but not just yet because saving felt like a loss of disposable income.

So behavioral economists Richard Thaler and Shlomo Benartzi devised the Save More Tomorrow plan. It asked the employees merely to commit to a savings increase next time they got a raise. Because it enabled them to do the right thing without ever seeing a drop in their take-home pay, 78% of workers signed on.

Over the course of their next few raises they automatically boosted their savings rates from an average of 3.5% to 13.6% of their salaries. So make the same kind of commitment to yourself, and then stick to it.

3. Invest, then check back in six months. Face it: You're not going to outsmart the market day in and day out. So stop trying. The daily ups and downs will just agitate you and make you jump in and out of stocks, running up your transaction costs. Pick investments with solid long-term prospects, then forget about them for a while. If you're really worried, you can put in a standing stop-loss order to sell a stock that drops 10% or 15% from your purchase price. (Although maybe you shouldn't buy that stock in the first place.)

4. Think about your portfolio. Sexy stocks give you that little thrill. But you will be more rational about risks and rewards if you consider any stock in the context of your entire portfolio. That means knowing your objectives and asking whether this is the best stock to get your there.

Sound too dull? OK, keep most of your portfolio in harness to your goals, but set aside a small percentage, say 5%, for play. Starting small is also a good way to avoid getting hammered as you build up experience and risk tolerance with a new type of investment.

5. Try naps and fish oil. Pay attention to your body. Simple things such as hunger or lack of sleep can make you less rational than you want to be. You know that mid-afternoon slump when you can't focus, and buy and sell are just a blur? One widely touted quick fix is to eat a carbohydrate snack -- popcorn or pretzels, for instance -- to boost serotonin levels and quickly improve mood and mental sharpness. But the same snack might just put you to sleep.

"Taking a short nap is likely to be much, much more effective than trying to manipulate one's alertness through food or caffeine," says Peter J. Rogers, a biological psychologist at the University of Bristol.

Still, changing your diet can have long-term effects. In particular, fish-oil supplements or foods with plenty of omega-3 fatty acids seem to increase vigor and decrease anger, anxiety, fatigue, depression and confusion, the very moods that cause us to make stupid decisions.

6. A mantra for money? You may think meditation is for Buddhists in monasteries. But it can change your brain to help you handle risk more intelligently. In a University of Wisconsin study, employees of a chemical company learned traditional meditation techniques of sitting quietly, breathing deeply and becoming calm. After eight weeks of daily sessions, MRI tests showed a 10% to 15% shift in brain activity away from areas associated with skittishness and withdrawal.

Can that really make a difference in the marketplace? Former Medtronic CEO Bill George says meditation helps him see what's important and accomplish it with minimal stress. In a single year, he acquired six companies at a cost of $9 billion. And between 1989 and his retirement in 2001, he boosted his company's market cap from $1 billion to $63 billion. If meditation "were a drug," George says, "it would be considered malpractice not to distribute it."

7. You need a friend. To be a better investor, you should get out and socialize. Being with friends and family releases the so-called trust hormone oxytocin, and that calms down the fear circuitry of the brain. You might not want to make too many "buy" decisions when the oxytocin is flowing. But if you want to come in to work tomorrow and make decisions based on fact rather than fear, try going home tonight and playing with the kids. With all these techniques, the goal is to prevent the emotional mind from short-circuiting the rational mind --

and to find the sweet spot where the two parts of your mind work together. That's how you'll get past the fear and greed. And that's what will ultimately make you a successful investor.

Published Feb. 14, 2008

New Music-Fantasia and Monica

Listen to the new music from American Idol Fantasia and Atlanta's homegirl Monica.

What do u think?

yay or nay?

Listen!

i paid for dinner, now u pay up!

So it's Tuesday and over the weekend u probably went out with some fine piece of meat! Quick Question: Who paid for the date? If it was him.....LOOK OUT! He may want a lil something something in return!

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It's complicated: Who pays on dates

Almost two-thirds of men want women to pitch in eventually, survey finds

By Jasmin Aline Persch

updated 7:36 a.m. ET, Fri., March. 7, 2008

Most first dates come straight out of the pages of a 1920s romance novel, and after a man generously treats a woman, he still expects something in return.

Namely, he expects her to return the favor of paying. (What were you thinking?)

An Elle/msnbc.com survey of about 74,000 online readers found that most guys want gals to help with the check after a few free meals. But that's tricky because gals are torn over tab sharing: Some are reluctant to pay while others are adamant about their ability to pay.

Our Money, Sex & Love survey illustrates that the question of who pays has gotten complicated.

Almost two-thirds of men, especially younger ones, said they want women to chip in after a few dates.

Forty-four percent of women are bothered if a man expects them to help pay.

Fifty-seven percent of women, especially younger ones, always offer to pay (even on the first date), but 34 percent of them are bothered if a man accepts — and 46 percent are bothered if he refuses.

"The rules of courtship are in the transitional period," said Diane Mapes, a dating expert and author of "How to Date in a Post-Dating World." "There is a lot of confusion and frustration — and expectation out there."

That's likely why guys tend to follow the trusted traditional etiquette — at first. But it's becoming a courtesy for gals to offer after that. Those who don't could offend many expectant guys. But tossing them an offer throws them into a fool's game: If guys accept or refuse, they risk offending gals.

"There are many more pitfalls for males than females," said Janet Lever, a sociologist at California State University in Los Angeles who helped write and interpret the study.

That's because some gals who make the modern effort just do it to be polite.

'He's making me pay'
Judy McGuire, a dating expert and author of "How Not to Date," has witnessed a phony offer gone awry. She fixed up two friends, and after offering to pay on their first date, the girlfriend called McGuire from the ladies' toilet. She said, in astonishment: "He's making me pay."

"Some women are really feminist in all parts of life — and then revert to the '50s kind of would-be housewife model," McGuire said.

But some gals really, truly want to pay, like Kristina Hoock.

In college, Hoock dated a traditional guy who never let her pitch in. He once bought her $800 worth of clothing on a single shopping trip. Although meant to show how much he cared for her, his splurges made her feel obligated to hang out with him — and created rifts in the relationship. They fought over his domineering spending style, and, frustrated, they eventually quit shopping together. He later proved to be controlling and jealous — which triggered their eventual breakup.

"I feel uncomfortable if a guy pays for everything," said the 24-year-old Hoock, now a business consultant for IBM. "I feel like the balance of power has shifted in his direction. I want to at least provide for myself. This is my date, too."

The man called the shots when the old dating etiquette came about in the 1920s. In those days, trends emerged like "rating and dating," meaning men with more money got the prettiest ladies and more of them. And "petting and paying" referred to a man paying for a woman — and then expecting her to return to his car later to "pet," anything but going all the way was fair game.

Back then, few women could afford to pay for dates — but many can today. Women still earn only 77 cents to every dollar men make. But plenty of women these days make more than the men they date. Who earns more is starting to matter. A fair amount, a third, of gals believe they should pay more of the dating expenses if they earn more than a guy. But it remains a double standard, since more women, about half, believe a man should pay more if he makes more.

"It's a totally different world, and it's an expensive world," Lever, the sociologist, said. "You can't go around being a little princess on the pedestal."

Some of the trends from the early era of dating have stuck around. Guys still tend to ask out gals. But who initiates the date is starting to matter. About half of surveyed men said the initiator should pay. And guys are still chivalrous: Three-quarters of surveyed men said they feel guilty when they let women pay, regardless of what she makes. The same percentage don't mind if their dates order the priciest prime rib on their dollar.

But most gals wouldn't dare. Nearly 9 in 10 of surveyed women said they wouldn't go for the most expensive item on the menu. Gals show their generosity in other ways: They're way more likely to treat the guy they've been dating for a while to a home-cooked meal, 80 percent, than to a restaurant dinner, 50 percent, or a movie, also 50 percent.

'Is she really interested in me?'
If not to use the guy, why are some gals so reluctant to help pay the tab? Bill behavior isn't as simple as dollars and cents. It can reveal something disconcerting about the cutie across the dinner table. A gal worries that a guy who never lets her pay might be controlling. Gals also worry that a guy who expects her to pay might be a cheapskate, doesn't like her or isn't gentlemanly. But a guy also worries when a gal always relies on his wallet.

Jeremy Chung, a 31-year-old music teacher from Huntington Beach, Calif., expects gals to offer after a few dates. After that, he starts having doubts.

"'Is she just in this because I'm paying — or is she really interested in me?'" Chung said.

To avoid a misunderstanding, why don't singles just lay their paying preferences on the dinner table? With all the different factions out there, it's easy to understand why the topic is taboo. For some, money isn't exactly an appropriate dinner topic on the first few dates, anyway. About two-thirds of surveyed women said they try to keep their incomes a secret from their dates.

Chung said he's never had to bring up who pays. In January, a gal offered on their second date to get a round of beers at the House of Blues in Anaheim, Calif.

"If a girl is just like 'I'll get this one,' that's totally cool," Chung said. "We don't even have to discuss it."

So do guys expect that in return?
If women don't address it, some surveyed men said they would. Others use more subtle approaches: Only pay half the tab, lie and say you don't have enough cash in your wallet — or take her to cheaper restaurants. And if nothing works, nearly half of men, especially younger ones, said they'd just break up with a freeloading lady.

Couples who stay together usually establish some kind of tab-sharing system around the third month. About half of surveyed people said that was the case. But over the entire courtship, 8 in 10 surveyed men said they end up covering most dating expenses. Even guys who make less than their girlfriends pay more, according to the survey.

Meanwhile, some people are finding ways to broach the touchy topic early on.

Hoock, the business consultant, planned on treating her new honey to dinner because he had accompanied her to all her favorite places in San Francisco, one last time, before she moved. She now lives in New York City.

Although they'd been flirting for months, this was their first formal date. They went to a wine bar — and indulged in tapas and a few glasses of the alcohol. When the bill came for about $100, Hoock grabbed it — and so did he. They both tugged to gain hold of it, when she suddenly passed her credit card to the waiter — and said, "Go, go!"

Then, Hoock told her sweetie that they could take turns paying. Surprised, he said he'd never spoken to anybody about that before. But he agreed.

And about whether most guys expect "dessert" after dinner: A third of surveyed women, especially older ones, say they feel less pressure to pet when they pay.

But the answer is "No." Only 16 percent of men say they expect something, something when they provide for the woman.

This isn't the 1920s. This is 2008, and after guys pay, they expect gals to pitch in — not put out.

© 2008 MSNBC Interactive